What I am Learning

Hello Everyone...

Sorry I haven't blogged in a long time.  I have been struggling with what to say.  I want to be encouraging and postive, but find it difficult to write words that reflect my heart and not my circumstances.  Each day is filled with physical strain, high activity, and emotion. I fear writing about those things would give wrong impressions.  And my sin wouldn't reflect God's heart for Ride:Well.

First let me say again how honored I am to be chosen by God, supported by so many and dearly loved.  I know and believe my God has purpose for tour and His glory will be revealed in due time.  I also believe this is not about me.  Exhaustion, pain, and an aching body keep "me" in the forefront of my mind, but this tour is about God's love for my neighbors in Africa.  It's for His daughters who walk miles for dirty water.  It's for His daughters who think there's no hope in their circumstance, for their pain and exhaustion.  This is the exchange I must challenge myself each day to settle on. 

Unfortunately, I struggle with the here and now, feeling only the moment.  For me to let go of all that God desires to break me of, becoming content with my surroundings and following Him is truely the hardest thing I've done in my life.  For the first month of tour, each day, every day, I cried.  I would ask God "Why?" over and over and beg to go home.  I prayed for accidents, injuries, anything that would excuse me of my responsibility of tour.  And each day, I struggled with the heaviness of letting people down, quitting and disappointing my family.  Too much to handle....really.

 I have learned I cannot do anything alone.

Thankfully I serve a loving God.  Through prayer, He has shown me a new way.  Each day, instead of asking "Why me?", I pick a team member.  I pray for that individual and ask God "Why them?"  Why are they here with me?  What can I learn from them?

This has helped me love more deeply.

Also through prayer, God is teaching me how He answers.  I pray for a cloud to cover me...but instead of me, there's a cloud in Africa covering her.  I pray for a flat, easy road....and He does provide, but one for her walk not my ride.  I have also prayed for rain.  And once again, I believe He is reigning down in on her.  I'm OK with these answers of His. 

God is teaching me how to pray in selfless ways.

God has also helped me push through tour using church family.  There have been many wonderful congregations along the way, but one very dear to me.  Lovington, New Mexico I will never forget.  Pastor Mike and his wife Shae, and Pastor Kyle and his wife Maria were tremendously used by God.  To be loved by them is indescibable.  God spoke to them, they responded, we prayed, they loved and I was refreshed.  I can't wait to take Loren and the boys back for a longer visit!  And soon!  Roadtrip....but in a car!

God taught me what "church" really means.

And lastly, God is using those closest to me.  The people who know me best.  They don't judge my imperfections, but see my needs.  They accept who I am, and are anxiously awaiting my return home.  Being away from them desperately hurts, but it has also brought our relationships to another level.

 God is showing me His heart.

There are three more weeks of tour left.  What a great joy!  Three more weeks to praise the Lord, proclaim His name, and make known among the nations what He has done.  Three more weeks to rejoice and sing of His wonderful acts.  Three more weeks to look to Him for strength, and seek His face.  Someday I will look back on all this physical pain, lack of sleep, craziness, and extreme emotions and be able to speak of His great wonders over me!