Risks often hurt.

Tour is wrapping up pretty soon and once again I apologize for the lack of blogging. Wifi hasn't been as often available as we thought.

Time for a story:

Monday, July 25th. Leaving Nashville, TN. 

Our team gets word that a bridge along the route to our new location is "tradition to jump off of" 

We hop on our bikes and head towards this famous red bridge. 

No one said how high the bridge was or how deep the water was.

We take this absolutely beautiful trail through a park and about 10 miles in we see this famous red bridge.

It was high up. Not 10 feet, not 20. Supposedly this bridge was higher than the 35ft cliff they had jumped off of at Rock Island. 

I swore to myself I'd jump off this bridge, but once I saw it, reservations arose. 

We all stopped, put our bikes aside, and looked down. To make sure the water was deep enough, Haylee and I ventured down to the river and tested it out. It was deep enough to jump. 

Craig and Brandon got on the rail first. With no hesitation they jumped, yelled, and plummeted into the water. They reached the surface with pure thrill on their faces. 

I wanted to jump, but still there were reservations.

2 more jumped. It took them a bit longer, but they did it. 

3 more of us got on the rail. As I stood and balanced on the rail, I looked out in front of me. 

Nature in it's time was perfect, magnificent and singing praise to the Creator. The moment I took my mind off of that and looked down at the distance between me and the water, I was full of fear.

My legs were trembling. My hands were trembling. My mind had a million things that could go wrong. 

My mind kept saying , "Sometimes you have to take risks. Is this risk worth it?"

After about 5 minutes of contemplating, I jumped off.

My heart was racing. Gravity was pulling. It is a feeling like none other. All control was lost.

Then the water hit.

Immediate pain. 

My first breath when I reached the surface was painful. Perhaps the most pain I've felt in a while. My chest felt like it had fallen straight on concrete. I floated in the water to shore, watched the others jump, hopped on my bike and realized after another 2 miles that I wouldn't be able to ride. My knee was feeling great, but behold, another unexpected injury came up that would prevent me from riding. 

Unlike the knee injury, my ribs now keep me from doing a lot. I can't ride my bike. I can't lift anything. It's sore breathing. It hurts getting up. It hurts laying down. Sleeping is now painful. Pretty much, I cannot do anything unless people help me.

I felt hopeless. I felt like a deadbeat. I couldn't help my team do anything.

When I explained to my teammate how I felt, she told me "Be yourself"... I wanted to cry. My heart is of service. I want to serve others and now being limited to doing only a few things has kept me from doing so. 

It's been a week now since this new happening. If you know me, you know that I have an inquisitive mind. I like to question everything which is sometimes good, sometimes bad. 

What does God want me to learn from all this? First my knee, now my ribs? 

First off, I think it's a matter of letting go and letting God have reign and control of all things in my life. Dependance. We all tend to stress over life. Money, School, Jobs, Relationships, etc. Life gets complicated and we are often misguided. When we begin to control things rather than allowing God to control things, that is where confusion steps in rather than clear direction. It's never easy letting go, but sometimes we are forced to and it's often for the best. 

Second, let's look at this situation. I saw an opportunity that looked fun, I took a risk, and I ended up hurt. When we hear "Sometimes you have to take risks in life", I don't think pain is what we think of immediately after. I wasn't expecting to jump off a bridge and bust my ribs. But the truth of the matter is, sometimes when we take risks, we will get hurt. We will have to deal with the pain afterwards and it may take days to heal or weeks to heal or even years to heal, but the process of the healing is what will transform the heart, soul, and mind. 

Third, expect the unexpected. When I signed up for Ride:Well, I was expecting to ride my bike everyday. I was expecting no injuries. I was not expecting to ride in the van as often as I have been this tour. And you know what, as tough as it has been, it's for a reason. Perhaps you, a future Ride:Well cyclist who is reading this now, are expecting the same as I was...here is my advice for you:

Tour isn't about riding your bike every single day across America. It's about placing hope in people's lives who themselves may not have hope. It's about sharing with others how this hope can change a distant community while changing their community. It's about sharing a beautiful story that is unfolding even now as you read this. It's about sharing Christ's life through our love. 

So, when people ask if the bridge jump was worth it, I have to say yes because I feel like now finally, when God has stripped me of all, I can write this for you to read and be encouraged and I have just figured out why this all happened. 

God, you are good and your Mercy endures forever, Selah.